When Heaven Feels Closer

Life is a very weird thing. We are born, we live, we die. But it’s not exactly that simple and if you’re reading this you know that. Theres so much in between. Your childhood, your schooling, your family, the people you love, the people who break your heart, and all the messy stuff. I’ll be the first to admit I romanticize the middle stuff. I love life and its messiness. I’m not a poet or an artist really, but I am a romantic. I don’t take for granted people or moments and I will cherish the daily mundane tasks. I’m an over thinker self reflective person.

But not everything is easy to process and I’ve learned that for my own sake I can’t dwell on everything. Especially the sad. This photo is the items that I chose to keep in remembrance of my grandmother. I was asked what I wanted as mementos and honestly I wasn’t sure. How do you sum up someones life in a ring or scarf? and that’s just it. You don’t.

My grandmother was a feisty woman. Your typical short Mexican grandma. I loved her very much. When I dwell on grandparents she’s the only one I really had. The only one who was apart of my life. And that part is where I get so sad. That is when the tears come. Because that fact is sad. There are no more grandparents for me. My parents have no more parents and my future children will have no great grandparents. There will be no grandparents when I get married and no picture of four generations.

It’s all just so wild in my mind. This is the first close experience with death I’ve had. And I am so lucky for that! I do not skip over that fact lightly as some people (children even) deal with and see death so young. I am lucky to have lived this long avoiding such a thing. So now finally coming to the point where I can escape it no more feels strange.

My grandmother was a believer and I will see her in Heaven one day again. For this I am grateful. She is with her Lord now and no longer suffering here on earth. We knew her time was coming so none of this is a surprise, but it still feels so strange. And you almost feel guilty being glad that she did not suffer too long here on earth. That her time came quickly, and we are glad for that. It feels like such a backward thing to have prayed for.

I am grateful for the relationship I had and that she lived such a full life. I’ll hold on to the mementos I chose and one day someone will do the same for me. May you hold on to your loved ones tight and maybe this is your reminder to call your mother, or your grandmother.